30 Ways To Piss Off DGray Man Characters
by LaKRipper
Summary: The first of its kind! (Like hell it is- I've seen better ones written before this.) This book contains lists meant specifically to eradi- piss off ten particular characters of D. Gray Man. (OI! YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL THEM! YOU HESITATED!) And thus, dear reader, I will show you to this beautiful, rose-coloured world where everything you want happens. Proven to be very effective.
1. Allen Walker - The Secretly Black One

1. Give him a debt to deal with.

2. Pat his head like a dog and call him a breansprout.

3. Continue to argue with him.

4. Have Lavi try to break up the fight with a hammer.

5. Beat him in a game of Big Two instead of Poker, and successfully getting him hooked onto it. Steal all the two's.

6. When he is playing against someone, yell out "He's cheating!"

7. Say that the kitchen ran out of food.

8. When he comes to ask about it, say that Jerry and Lavi have been fired for unknown reasons. (Hint a forbidden relationship)

9. Say that his piano-playing sucks and he's 'totally off-tune!'

10. Tell him that the 14th is WAY better.

11. Cross that out, tell him that Miranda is a million times better.

12. Tell him that Mana is secretly in a relationship with Cross.

13. Buy him black hair dye.

14. Comment on how it'll make him look more like Kanda.

15. Then maybe people won't mistake him for a perverted old geezer anymore, but a hot young swordsman.

16. Set him up on a date with certain swordsman.

17. ...Scratch that, set him up on a date with Road.

18. Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. SET HIM UP ON A DATE WITH THE MILLENIUM EARL!

19. Remind him of the time he lost his first kiss...to a cougar.

20. Send him to a conning casino.

21. Make sure they don't actually have money...Wait! Send them Monopoly money!

22. Ask why he willingly became the student of a hot, older man...

23. Then ask about his relationship with Kanda...

24. And Lavi...

25. And Lenalee...

26. Eat, or just give it away to the Noah Family.

27. Pull his hair and try to make him a kappa!

28. Introduce him to 'kandaxallen', 'allenxlenalee' and 'allenxroad' fan fics.

29. Show this list to him.

30. RUN LIKE HELL!

* * *

**And that is the first chapter. I'm still getting used to this whole publishing and managing thing since I just recently joined, but meh. I've already had a lot of story ideas, and after I've finished stories, I'll probably post them at some point. Anyways, expect this book to be quite short (HELL YEAH! A.W. REFERENCE/PUN!), but I will be posting more books with the same kind of concept after I've completed this one.**


	2. Jadevi - The Idiot Twin Duo

1. When the twins are on your trail, make them pay your debts.

2. Steal their guns.

3. Blame it on Skinn.

4. When they tell you that he's dead, bring them close...and scream in their ears, "HE'S BACK! AND HE'S COMING FOR REVENGE ON ALL THE NOAH FOR NOT SAVING HIM!"

5. Replace all their make-up with clown make-up.

6. If you're a Noah, send Akuma to destroy every ounce of make-up on the planet.

7. Handcuff each other to Krory while the vampire's in a very bad mood.

8. Paralyse them and destroy the key.

9. Ask them why they failed to catch Cross.

10. Than ask Jasdero if all blondes are as stupid as goldfish.

12. Constantly question their gender.

13. Or you could just ask them if they had a sex-change.

14. Dump a bucket of water over their heads and smile innocently.

15. Tell them their mascara is smudging.

16. Seduce them, or at least make them blush.

17. Secretly feed them Akuma Blood Oil.

18. Cut their hair when they're in Jasdevi form.

19. Lock them in a room with Krory, an Angry Skinn, a Pissed Tyki, **_Bored _**Road, Black Allen, Hyper Komui and a Pissed Kanda. May the God have mercy.

20. Mock them for being so weak as they lost to Krory and are still suffering.

21. Feed them candy and shiitake.

22. Destroy Jadero's collection of dragonballs.

23. Break Devitto's arm.

24. When he asks why, reply by saying, "You like break dancing, don't you? Than why don't you try it? After all, you can't break dance if your body is in perfect condition."

25. Tell Devitto, "having the yolk still intact in an omelet is bad for your skin, therefore you can't eat it that way and wear make up. Who knows? Maybe you'll even end up with an STD."

27. Laugh as he panics and vomits up his breakfast.

28. Grab their umbrella and smile innocently.

29. Show them this list and take their umbrella away.

30. Run, biatch, run! Yeah, yell that out!

* * *

**NoName-chan - The support is much appreciated... Woah, that sounds fancy.**

**Lucy Walker 1441 - I don't think so... If it was M-rated, I'd probably make it more suggestive towards hardcore yaoi or adult themes, but considering how vague it was, I could also be directing it towards something that's just fluff or simply a joke. Hope that clears something up :P**


	3. Yu Kanda - The Scary, But Stupid One

**Kanda: *glares* Why did you kidnap me?**

**LaKRipper: 'Cause it seemed really fun at the time! I didn't expect you to be so boring though...**

**Kanda: Then why don't you get Moyashi?**

**LaKRipper: I don't know. He's fun 'n' all, but 14th's taken over and that means I have to get beaten up by some old man. Do you know how frustrating that it? My dad freakin' recited my ballad and he was better than me! Do you? Do you?**

**Kanda: Shut up, woman. I've already had enough of old men in my life.**

**...**

**LaKRipper: You're not suggesting anything, are you?**

**Kanda: *somehow unties the ropes around him***

**LaKRipper: _Crap!_ Here's some soba noodles. *hands it to him***

* * *

30 Ways To Piss Off Yu Kanda

1. Call him Yu. (Oh yes, VERY original)

2. Touch his hair.

3. Give him a haircut that's similar to Allen's.

4. Right after confiscating Mugen and typing him to a chair.

5. Steal his soba noodles.

7. DESTROY MUGEN! MWUHUHAHAHAHA!

8. Dye his hair white after doing number 3.

9. Then call him an old man in front of the whole mess hall.

10. Nah, call him Allen instead.

11. Interrupt him when he's in the middle of posing.

12. Tell him that he sucks at it for effect.

13. Then start playing around with his hair.

14. Introduce him to Yullen.

15. And Lavlen.

16. And LenaleexYu. (Have no idea of this pairing's name)

17. Also introduce ^that particular pairing to Komui.

19. Remember to take a video as Kanda is being chased by an indestructible Komurin!

20. Tie him to a chair and take his shirt off.

21. Calm down, fan girls.

22. Attempt to remove his tattoo.

23. After stealing all the necessary equipment from Komurin II.

24. While you're at it, tattoo the words "I 3 A.W, Rabbits and Lenalee" onto his back.

25. Before he goes into a mission, rip up all his clothes.

26. Make sure Johnny's (the uniform tailor) on his day off.

27. Ask his partner to take pics of him shirtless-

28. Again, calm down fan girls.

29. -with the tattoo and show it to Komui.

30. Run like hell and jump onto the Earl's back. And he'll let you because he's just an amazing guy that's kinda like a big teddy bear.

* * *

**The Noah Clan might be sadistic and evil, but I still love them all. Except for a few selective people that just annoy the hell out of me. *cough* Lulubelle *cough* Sheril *cough* Mainly because they just seem so lifeless and un-family-like (I doubt that's even a word). The main reason I like these villains is because they're family, they stick together even if they're not blood-related. On top of that, they're just friggin' hilarious! The way Hoshina potrays them is actually realistic, considering most villains are thought of as arrogant people that always get beaten in the end that just comes so quickly. (Unless you're watching Bleach, of course) D. Gray Man has so far been an amazing series, despite the very slow progress of the manga.**

**yaoilover505: Kanda was actually the guy I was going to do next. Suprise, suprise!**

**I'm awesome at singing: Thanks, and you can sing! AWESOME! So can I...I think...**

**Magicsinger: Man, there's a lot of singers around here on FF, what happened to Youtube? By the way, be careful when torturing Kanda!**


	4. Komui Lee - The Bro With the Sis Complex

1. Steal his hat and glasses.

2. Remind him of the time Komlin got destroyed.

3. And when Komlin II was destroyed...

4. And when his precious coffee was spilled... Man, he has a pretty sad life.

5. Put him on a boat and send him to China...

6. TO FIND LENALEE A HUSBAND!

7. Make sure to bribe, or through any necessary means, him so he complies. You can use the new Komulin as a hostage.

8. Write fake marriage letters from Allen, Kanda and Lavi.

9. And, you know...send it to him. Remember to hide out in your room with A LOT of food and candy.

10. Tell him that whenever Lenalee's on a mission, flying while wearing a skirt, people keep staring at her.

11. ESPECIALLY those boys from a certain clan.

12. Pour Blue Mountain coffee all over him.

13. Crappily dress up as a guy so it's obvious you're actually a girl, or for guys, dress up as a transvestite or an okama.

14. Smile creepily and follow Lenalee.

15. ...Nah, too many Lenalee's. Follow Komui around instead.

16. Steal his favourite (UGH! WHY IS THAT NOT CORRECT?!) coffee mug and say you hid it in his office.

17. If he doesn't find it, suggest for him to clean his office.

18. Once he's done, call Kanda and tell him that Komui stole his soba noodles.

19. Laugh as his office is destroyed.

20. After Komui's bashed up, give him his coffee mug.

21. Sign it with a permanent marker. Draw Lenalee and an unidentified man in a heart.

22. Make him bald.

23. With a permanent marker like always, write 'I LUV ANA KANDA'S SILKY, SEXY HAIR!' on his head*

24. Whenever Reever pulls his hair out trying to catch Komui up on work, find the dude and pull him by his hair to Reever.

25. If he ever tries to take a nap, continuously tell him that Lenalee is getting married.

26. Even when he actually needs to sleep. *creepy grin*

27. ^And that, of course, means you need to haunt him in the middle of the night.

28. For effect, burn one of his precious slippers.

29. Show him this list.

30. Pfft, please. He's too lazy to actually- AAAH! CRAP! IT'S KOMULIN! KANDA!

* * *

***Pun on anaconda. Ah, Angela Anaconda anyone? ALLITERATION! AWESOME! **

**Woo, that's done. So anyways, can anyone tell me how to keep the paragraph breaks? It's really irritating seeing the whole text compacted and squished together up there.**

**I'm awesome at singing: Huh...ah...thanks again...for commenting...**

**Magicsinger: MWUHUHAHAHA! Completely unexpected, right? I want to do a few lists on characters that most tend to overlook. I have this crazy idea of doing one on Hevlaska...**


	5. Bookman - The Secretly Make-Up Addict

1. Chop off the rest of his hair.

2. Exclaim that he really does look like a panda...

3. In the middle of the night, paint the rest of his face white.

4. Get creative! Draw a little black nose for him as well.

5. Hug him every time you see him and call him Panda-jiji!

6. Add in a little, "LET'S GO TO CHINA AND HAVE YUMMY MOON CAKES!"

7. "And some tasty panda meat as well..."

8. Cue the pedo grin.

9. Ask him what happened to his family.

10. Specifically, the chick who actually married him and the son she gave him.

11. While you're on that subject, ask him where babies come from.

12. If he says anything about a stork, tune out and keep asking until the real words come out.

13. Dump a bucket of water on him.

14. Once his make-up starts running, ask him if he actually wants to be a panda.

15. Buy cute panda ears for him after that so he can 'express himself better'.

16. Steal his scroll (his innocence).

17. Scatter them around in Komui's office.

18. Send Allen up to the office as well to eat there, with **ALL **his food.

19. Tell Kanda that Komui stole all the soba noodles from the mess hall just to piss him off...and so, you know what happens next.

20. While you're at it...steal a month-worth of pudding and tongue-dip in them.

21. In the office, announce that it is all yours and continue to eat them all.

22. If you can't eat all of it, with incredible precision, mimic Bookman and throw the rest of the pudding at his head.

23. Draw red dots over his face (and try to colour that mole on his face).

24. "At the age of 100, the Bookman, has finally received the chicken pox!"

25. Make sure everyone's in on it and tie him to his bed for a week.

26. For his birthday, give him as many skin and hair care products as you can.

27. At one point, his hair and skin should look better than Lenalee's.

28. Try to sign him up for a pageant

29. Show him this list.

30. RUN LIKE HELL! HE'S FOUND HIS INNOCENCE! THOSE NEEDLES HURT LIKE HELL!

* * *

**Magicsinger: Heh, I actually use British English, not American English, but whatever.**

**Grell's Undertaker: Thanks, and by all means, do #16 on Jasdevi's list!**

**I'm awesome at singing: YES! YOU CAN SAY MORE THAN JUST AWESOME!**

**pinoychick101: Nice, I made someone laugh! You could say I don't laugh at just anything as well, but I don't really know about my own lists considering I rewrote a few of mylists at least twice...but thanks!**


	6. Howard Link - The Superior Fetish

1. Poke the dots on his forehead.

2. Try to take them off.

3. Once that's done, laugh maniacally. "MWUHUHAHAHAHA! YOU ARE NO LONGER A MEMBER OF CROW!"

4. Put them back on. "HAHAHAHA! AND NOW YOU ARE!"

5. Keep doing that for as long as you can. If you can't laugh properly, slap his shoulder and look as if you're either having a seizure or constipated.*****

6. Tie him to a chair and throw a bucket of ice cold water over his head.

7. With a pair of tweezers you stole from Krory (How else does he not have any eyebrows?), start fixing up Howard's eyebrows.

8. If he just so happens to be making sweets, tell Allen.**

9. Burn Lvellie's anthology on sweets (Huh? An anthology on sweets?).

10. Tell him Lvellie is a creepy old man, secretly trying to win children over, pushing them into an oven and then eating them.

11. Evidence: He makes sweets and cakes, something children love. (Hansel and Gretel?) HE HAS A FREAKIN' TOOTHBRUSH MOUSTACHE! WARNING BELLS, ANYONE?!

12. Whenever you get the chance, put his hair in different hairstyles, like curl his hair, throw it in a side ponytail. Get creative.

13. If there's ever an enemy in sight, grab Howard's hands and look at the knives he's hidden.

14. Pretend to fight the enemy while still holding his knife.

15. Remind him of the time he was bitten by General Tiedoll...who was only wearing a tiny towel...

16. Joke about why he couldn't be more like the general, especially since the general has a freakin' six pack...at the age of forty... Is that even allowed?

17. Refer to him as an obsessive young boy with weird eyebrows (*sigh* His eyebrows have grown out again) and long, ugly blonde hair.

18. Attempt to cure his obsession of Lvellie by banning him from eating any sweets for a week.

19. To do so, watch over him like the Overly Attached Girlfriend while he tries to sleep, eat and anything else.

20. Mix his paperwork with Komui's.

21. Throw them outside with the help of Lavi (redheads stereo-typically love mischief) and make a bonfire.

22. Repeatedly ask him if you can join a meeting between branch heads and generals.

23. During the meeting, chew on gum and a packet of chips.

24. If anyone asks what the hell you're doing there, finish your chips and throw the packet at the person who asked.

25. With your dirty fingers, mess up Howard's face.

26. Walk across the table to Lvellie and brush his moustache with a toothbrush.

27. Break into a song, "I'm Sexy and I Know It".

28. Smack your gum, take it out with a tissue and then stick it to Lvellie's moustache.

29. Show him this list.

30. Yah, he knows not to mess with you.

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR THE 1,000 VIEWS! For something like that, this particular list came out crappy...**

***No offense to those who have seizures or are constipated.**

****That's pretty self-explanatory.**

**pinoychick101: Pudding! Dammit, I want more pudding... The next house I visit better have pudding...**

**I'm awesome at singing: Thank you!**

**magicsinger: Yes, do #5! ...Whatever that was. And the stuff about Bookman having a family is pretty much what I consider his family, Lavi. I doubt someone can be born into the Bookman Clan considering it's never been stated, so I think Bookman may have had an actual family before he became a Bookman. They're probably dead. But it's just a possibility. For all I know, it might not be true at all.**

**Hanashi o suru: Why, thank you! The incarnation of perfection? My, I'm smiling like an utter fool.**

**Lucy Walker 1441: I don't know about the dragon balls- I recall seeing them somewhere, maybe on the D. Gray Man wiki. Something about him having an interest in collecting dragon balls, and Devitto having an interest in break dancing.**


	7. Lavi - The Sexy, Not Cute, Bunny

**LaKRipper: Ah, only three more chapters left. *groan* Not to mention those stories that I have yet to continue...**

**Lavi: Oi! Ripper-chan! Why do I have to be pissed off?**

**LaKRipper: Because, dear bunny, I'm evil. Since I'm evil, I must do evil things- even if it pains me to do so.**

**Lavi: Kom-**

***Lenalee walks by wearing a very short mini-skirt and bra***

**Lavi: St...STRIKE3!**

**LaKRipper: Komui~!**

* * *

1. Pinch his cheeks and smile creepily.

2. Say, "Hmm, I see your future", and smooth out a nonexistent beard. Scream, "KOMUI! LAVI'S GETTING MARRIED TO LENALEE!"

3. Show LaviXLenalee fics to Komui as something Lavi wrote.

4. If you happen to come across any 'mature' fics...well, show 'em off.

5. Ask him if he hides his 'Big Hammer, Little Hammer' down there...

6. Buy realistic fangs and put them on.

7. Try to bite him whenever you get the chance.

8. Get Krory to help out.

9. ...With his 'very loving' flowers.

10. Tie him to a chair and feed him all the wasabi you can get your hands on.

11. In the middle of the night, cut his hair.

12. Scatter them around his pillow close to his head.

13. If Bookman asks, tell him that Lavi is going bald, just like the Panda-jiji. **(DOUBLE** BURN!)

14. Before he wakes up, use red lipstick to write on his mirror, "Nice hair, Stupid Rabbit".

15. Blame it ALL on Kanda.

16. Bribe Bookman in front of him with hair care products meant to reverse balding.

17. Hide Mugen, the Time Record, Heavenly Compass, Arm of Baptism and the Dark Boots in his mattress.

18. Whisper to everyone that you've seen Lavi borrow their innocence.

19. Tell him, "What did the flower say to the bee? WASABI!"

20. After that, tell him as many lame jokes as you can find.

21. Explain to them about how amazing and interesting they are, then get as many books from the library on jokes and give them to him.

22. Ask him if he's still innocent.*

23. Eradicate any porn you find in his room.

24. Write "I'M A GAY"** on his forehead with a permanent marker.

25. On his nape, write, "I LOVE YU!"

26. Whenever you go swimming, dare Lavi to push Kanda in the deep end of the swimming pool.

27. Laugh when Kanda is about to kill Lavi.

28. Show him this list.

29. Steal his hammer and throw it down the garbage chute.

30. Thus, he is powerless.

* * *

**It's a bit late, mostly because my Dad's dragging me around to places in Malaysia that take 3-hour long drives back and forth. It's unfair, I know. Good thing is that I can relax today and write a bit.**

***A virgin.**

****Death Note reference. Yagami backwards?**

**.yullen: And he's here! I actually**

**Magicsinger: I went with the idea, and here it is! Honestly, I'm not a big fan of Link either, but I can't help but stare at his forehead...**

**pinoychick101: I'm not sure about that since Hitler's reign was about twenty or so years after (if the D. Gray Man series is really set in the late 19th century).**

**Lucy Walker 1441: I-I...I'm EPIC?! Oh man, don't feed my ego! ... Thank you, thank you, you're far too kind~! (See what I mean?) And don't degrade your stories, you'll eventually get better and I'm sure they won't be as crappy as you think.**

**RenjiRulez5986: Jasdero's a boy :P It's a bit confusing, but it's like Kanda with long hair.**

**Hanashi o suru: Yah, basically.**

**LittlexMissxPsycho: YES! DO THAT! BTW, nice name.**


	8. Tyki Mikk - The Sexy Noah

1. Try to catch one of his 'butterflies' with a net.'

2. Poke his Tease and try to paint it white.

3. Steal his swirly glasses.

4. Ah...and his boxers.

5. Replace them with Timcanpy-patterned boxers.

6. Try to look for porn in his room.

7. And in the process, turn his room upside-down.

8. While you're at it, steal some of Sheril's erotic books. Hide those in his room.

9. Get as clooose to his face as you can, and with a tissue, try to pull off his mole.

10. At one point, get the twins to shoot at his mole.

11. Bribe Road into trying to create a door on his mole.

12. If it actually happens, tell Sheril that Tyki hid his erotic novels in that door.

13. Tie him up and deliver him to Kanda's room...

14. Half-naked.

15. Laugh at him while Kanda kills him.

16. Tie him to a chair and massage his shoulders with your feet.

17. While wearing socks.

18. If he takes out a cigarette packet, snatch it from him and tear all of them up.

19. Do the same every time.

20. If you have to, steal his lighter and throw it in the water.

21. Tell him this is your way to get him to quit.

22. Then try to exorcise him with holy water and a crucifix.*****

23. Brush and straighten his hair.

24. Then throw his hair into pigtails.

25. Take a picture and send it to Lenalee.

26. Tie him up for her.

27. Laugh and watch Lenalee kill him (after Kanda kills him).

28. Accuse him of sexual harassment to Komui.

29. Show him this list.

30. Run like hell.

* * *

**O_O I feel like I repeated some numbers...**

**Views for the month: 2,540!**

***SPOILER! ****Kind of a reference to how after Allen's failed attempt of exorcising the Noah of Pleasure. After that incident, Tyki actually quit smoking. **

**PC101: DON'T DIE!**

**the person who knows everyone: Thank you~!**

**Lucy Walker 1441: Really? Feed my ego?! YE- Um, actually I don't think that would be a good thing...**

**myangelicladyofdarkness: Eh, satin? The fabric?**

**Hanashi o suru: AWESOMENESS~! Seriously, there's definitely no better word than awesome!**

**RenjiRulez5986: Laugh out loud? Live out loud? Love out loud? Live out life? ...I need to get back into the times...**

**Magicsinger: I know right? Especially if you're a sadist. Love can be expressed in so many ways~! Torture's one of them... AH! DON'T CRY! U-um...I-I will be doing lists on a different anime...**

**Grell's Undertaker: Mhmm, but you must do what you must do!**

**Jester Reaper: I think I wrote that before, but I put in something else...hmm...**


	9. Road Kamelot - The Eye-Gouger

1. Steal her candles before she goes into a battle.

2. ...And use them as a toothpick after a huge dinner of chicken and beef...

3. Also steal her year's supply of candy.

4. Ask her when she's getting married.

5. Set her up on a dating website with a resume and everything.

6. Call her a cougar?

7. At morning tea, throw some laxatives in her drink.

8. Make a voodoo doll that looks exactly like her in doll form, and poke a needle through her...when she's watching.

9. Tell her about the laxatives before she goes to the bathroom.

10. Ask the Twins to take pictures.

11. Steal her homework books and throw them outside.

12. Make a huge bonfire out of it.

13. Tell her the homework's due tomorrow...

14. Threaten Tyki with a chainsaw.

15. ...That you borrowed from the Black Order, which contains innocence.

16. Exclaim that you will cut his topknot down there off!

17. With the same chainsaw, cut down her doors.

18. Also cut Lero in half.

19. As well as her bedroom.

20. Get a professional make-up artist to make her look like a granny in her sleep.

21. Wake her up dressed up as Allen.

22. As Allen, call her old and run away.

23. Ask her why she didn't kill Nea, favouring him over the family.

24. Break the wall and ask her why he didn't kill her.

25. Dress up as the Apocryphos and chase Allen around.

26. Then start biting him.

27. If she happens to get more candy after #3, steal that as well.

28. Replace it with chocolate.

29. Show her this list.

30. RUN LIKE HELL! SHE'S CONSIDERED SADISTIC FOR A REASON!

* * *

**YES~! FOR THE FIRST TIME, I DID A LIST ON A CHICK! ...And it just so happened to be Road. If any of you are wondering why I only started doing chicks now, it's because the month is now September. Not August. My logic is stupid.**

**Hanashi o suru: OH MY GOD! FBKBKFBKJSHFSKJFH... YOU ARE SUPER DUPER AWESOME! Wait, wait, no, you are supercalifragilisticexpialadociously awesome! ...Hmm, I wonder if I spelled that right.**

**PC101: No way, Tyki...I shall call the Otaku Association immediately and report for an investigation!**

**JustARatInACage: Not just good things, eventually, everything must come to an end.**

**RenjiRulez5986: Nah, I'm sure Renji would let you take a ride on Zabimaru and get you out of this place.**

**Ankhesenamun2: (Did I spell that right?) Oh yeah, shirtless Kanda... *watches his fight with Skin $$$ times***

**ZeroHour23: W...woah...how did you know...?**

**Lucy Walker 1441: Yeah...w-wait! Kill Choji?! I know he's basically a mole, but KILL HIM?! I'd rather kill Lenalee! **


	10. The Most Fathermucking Badass In Town

**LaKRipper: *epic evil laughter* Now, I must piss off For!**

***Epic evil laughter that doesn't sound like-***

**LaKRipper: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL! OH MY GOD! IT'S A GHOST! Okay, okay, calm down, Ripper. J-just take your wand and aim it at the ghost- OH MY WORD! I CAN'T SE****E HER! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGHT HER NOW! Right, calm down, just calm- I SAID CALM DOWN! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO FREAKIN' SAY IT?! YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST SHUT THE FREAKIN' HELL UP!**

**And that dear reader, is exactly why this chapter is so late. **

***snicker* Also because Fou is soo short that I'm laughing too damn hard to type.**

**Fou: *smack* You're only five centimeters taller than me**

**LaKRipper: OW!**

* * *

1. Call her short. (HAHAHA! SHE'S SHORTER THAN ME! WOOO!)

2. Draw pictures of purple butterflies (Tease) and stick them on her wall.

3. Whenever she comes around, starts laughing at her height.

4. Comment on how she's even shorter than a certain beansprout.

5. And how she even dresses less than him...

6. Grab her hands and feel how warm they are.

7. With the sharpest scissors you can find, attempt to cut them off.

8. Tease her about the time she transformed into Rohfa...

9. And ask her if she's cheating on Bak with Allen because he's cheating on her.

10. Replace her clothes with Lenalee's.

11. If she happens to ask, tell her that to win Bak's heart, she must be like the one who stole his heart!

12. Ask her how much makeup she uses to keep her skin so...wrinkle-less?

13. Then call her a cougar for liking Bak...who's approximately seventy years younger than her...

14. Throw scrunched up pieces of Lenalee's photos at her wall.

15. ...Also, get all dramatic and moan on and on about her unrequited love.

16. Start crying and sobbing really loudly so NO ONE in the vicinity can get sleep.

17. When she comes out to murder you, blow into as many tissues as possible.

18. Throw them tissues at her!

19. Actually, try to smear it on her face...(but that's not possible considering...well, the title is pretty self-explanatory.)

20. Set her up on a date with Thread (the akuma dude she fought against.)

21. Make sure they're locked up in a maximum-security zone.

22. Take a lot of popcorn with you.

23. ...While you're at it, tie Allen to a chair with duct tape and stick him right in the middle of the fight.

24. Paint her wall so the symbols are all covered.

25. Make sure it's really messy, like a kindergarten kid...

26. Wait, no scratch that out. Use unwashable crayons instead.

27. After that, poke her nose.

28. Then steal it.

29. Show her this list.

30. Like the title suggests- Fou holds the title of the Most Fathermucking Badass, and she'd be able to catch you before you could even run away.

**_And so, dear reader, this is the end of you, me and the 30 Ways To Piss Of D. Gray Man Characters._**

* * *

**JustARatInACage: Why else would I suggest it? The more the merrier.**

**Marshal Belinsky: Good to know :P**

**i'm awesome at singing: Yah.**

**LittlexMissxPsycho: Perfect...well...hehehehe...**

**PC101: Road would get pissed off from Tyki or Allen getting hurt, why else?**

**Hanashi o suru: Yeah, but I have a feeling she's a tad bit overprotective over them...and her candy... Plus, I don't think she likes the idea of her candles being used against her.**

**Lucy Walker 1441: I have a feeling she's about to start a cat fight.**

**Magicsinger: I actually had a longer chapter title for her...but it was too long...*sniff* (She Who Will Poke Your Eye With A Candle)**


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